12 yr son is refusing to do homework and studying. What do you recommend? ?

My son has been a straight student up till about 3rd grade. I believe it was 3rd when I noticed his grades first dropping. But I didn't really react a big deal because it went to A's and B's. I did bring this up to his attention that I had noticed the grade change and he needed to keep at it on the books, or it would be F's before you knew it. I wouldn't even call it fussing really. He seemed to keep it like that for that whole year. 4th grade I noticed C's, B's and A's. I was very concerned then. I started taking noticed in WHAT he was studying...which turned out to be hardly nothing at all...so I would start to ask what kind of test is this, he would say just a quiz...and I started seeing he never had chapter test...so when I started asking about that he started lying oh he doesn't do chapter test but once a month...I didn't buy that...so the next report card time rolled around to talk with the teachers, I brought this up..yeah, I found out he did chapter test every Friday, found out the teacher had Thursdays set out for certain test and Friday was for certain test..and homework (hw) just about every night but Friday...all NEWS to me. This was about when the lying started...I was spanking then for lies, bad grades or he didn't do what he was suppose to do. Of course this did not work, it didn't seem to help. by 6th grade he had a D..So I thought then we needed a communication route. I thought well, since the school hands out a hw book, have the teacher to initial it,making sure he wrote everything down in it RIGHT and I would sign it at the end of the day basically me stating that I have over seen him doing his hw and studying...I figured this was a good thing...yes and no..it helped on the hw issue but not the studying..all he writes in the hw book is to study...so I have to take his word as for WHAT he study's...and of course the D never got better and then he had TWO D's...so I tried to find out what he is supposed to be studying and he would say just these words, which would only be like 5 or 6 words...he never would have chapter test. and I found lies in that too. Now he is in the 7th grade, more lies, no hw, problems getting him to get the teachers to sign the book, supposedly no test and report cards are about to come out again and I know he now will have TWO F's. He could care less. I am racking my brain out on how to get him more interested or can I? I have done spankings, grounding on tv and games, bed early...writing ...do I just step aside now and let him do his own thing, do I still stay on him about his grades, do I stick to grounding or spanking do you have some new ideas? right now counseling is too expensive. Would be nice. He has been grounded for over a month from his last F, which is no tv and games....then he is made to go to bed every night an hour early when he doesn't get ALL five teachers to sign his hw book which happens every night...I feel like I am isolating him the entire family, we don't get to spend time with him, it's making him hate everyone around him, he is getting a more sour attitude with everyone. Just last week he was screaming at his teacher, which why now she won't sign the book. But see no one told me about that...not even the school. He just told me that she refuses to sign it...before I was getting the I forgot excuse...so since he does lie so much I didn't know what to believe...so I sat him down and told him look your fixing to be 13...I need and want to trust you. There has got to be a reason why she is not signing this book, what has happened. the whole time he is saying nothing has happened. I told him this is your chance to help fix this and the lying...he was so serious about telling the truth, I even bought it. I said, ok, I believe, I want to believe you, I am calling the teacher tomorrow. Anything else you want to say? he said no, I have told you every thing. I said ok, your not punished, but if I find out your not telling me something or have lied you will be...he stuck to it and I called the teacher which was when I found out that he had screamed at the teacher over a month ago (which I never knew about) and that she told him that she was not signing it (which I never knew about) AND the very next day when he acted as if nothing ever happen he asked her to sign the book she had said no again and decided to appoint a student helper in the class to sign the book for her (which I never knew about) and the teacher said that he had allowed this helper to sign the book for almost the whole month and for some reason the last couple days in a row he didn't want her to and got an attitude about letting the girl sign the book and thats when he came home saying the teacher would sign the book. Even after he came home from school AFTER I had talked to the teacher AFTER my son KNEW I was going to call the teacher. and he knows when I tell he I am gonna call a teacher or when I say I am gonna do something I ALWAYS do it. he came home acting fine like nothing was12 yr son is refusing to do homework and studying. What do you recommend? ?
Wow that was really long!



We had the same problem with my stepdaughter. Our school has a program where the kids stay after school for ';intervention'; Bascially a teacher stays there and they work on their assignments (sort of like a study hall). Does your school have anything like this?



We also tried the signing of the agenda book for every teacher and every class...we had the same results as you :(

We tried every punishment possible, grounding, etc...even PAYING her for good grades..nothing motivated her. It was a rough ride and it does get more difficult as they get older.



Finally around 8th grade we made one last ditch effort. We sat down with her and ALL of her teachers and had a conference. All teachers at the same time, my husband me and our daughter. We tried to figure out a plan that would work for her. All of the teachers told her what they expected. My husband then told her ';you are 14 years old and old enough to be responsible for your own studies';. ';you know what you have to do and we expect you to do it';. We basically butt out for about a year. She struggled that year but did turn herself around by about 10th grade.



Good luck to you!12 yr son is refusing to do homework and studying. What do you recommend? ?
parenting is not a reactionary concern. Don't wait to see what he does. state your rules. hold to them and dont budge.



no I didn't read your entire book
I would advise you personally get in contact with each teacher. Meet with them and have them email you his grades and homework each day. Teachers are far more helpful when you are involved as can be. Have conferences occasionally to check on progress and assess what needs to be done. See if the school has any tutoring or academic programs available. Talk to your son's doctor about any possible underlying issues. I wouldn't ground him totally, but not let him do anything once he gets home, except use the toilet, have a snack, and do his schoolwork. When he finishes he can then relax and have certain privledges. Have him pay you a certain amount of money/privledges for each poor grade and reward by returning privledges for each good grade. Make it clear that he ca earn more academic freedom by showing self-discipline.
set your grounds tell him that this is serious that you are done playing around and give him spankings after every lie after everything don't just swat him on the butt actually spank him do it hard and firm